Welcome Our Guest ~ Jessica Burde
Whenever people do something new, they end up creating all kinds of jargon and new twists on old words to discuss what they are doing. Polyamory had been around for decades, which is plenty of time for all sorts of new terms to crop up and old terms to find new applications. My new book, Polyamory and Pregnancy, has a short glossary that covers a few of the basic terms, but barely scratches the surface.
I like playing around with alliteration (Polyamory on Purpose, Polyamory and Pregnancy, you get the idea). Continuing the theme, here are a few of the “P”’s that find their way into conversations about polyamory
Partner: A gender-neutral term for someone you are in a relationship with.
Patience: If you don’t have it, polyamory will force you to learn it. Finding poly partners
isn’t easy and takes time. Balance the needs of multiple people and/or multiple relationships can be stressful and challenging. Juggling schedules so everyone gets enough time with their partners can be enough to make you tear your hair out. Patience – with yourself, your partners and life – is a vital part of making polyamory work.
Polyfidelity: One form of polyamory, where a group of people commit to being in a relationship with each other and no one else. Similar to monogamy, in that there are no relationships outside the core group. Polyfi groups may be triads, quads or larger.
Polysaturated: There is only so much time, only so much energy and only so many spoons. When a person doesn’t have the ability or interest in starting a new relationship, they are polysaturated. “Thanks, I’m flattered that you’re interested, but I’m really polysaturated right now. I just don’t have time to date.”
Everyone has a different point where they get polysaturated. Some people can make time to share their lives with a dozen people, other’s are done at two. Monogamous people who don’t object to polyamory but don’t have time or energy for more than one relationship might be monosaturated.
Primary/Secondary: A very common form of polyamory. Similar to an open marriage, there is a couple who are primary – their relationship takes precedence. Often they will live together and their lives are very entwined. Other relationships they have are secondary – they don’t get as much time and attention as the primary relationship. Polyfolk often debate prescriptive vs descriptive primary/secondary. In prescriptive primary/secondary, the couple agrees that they will not allow any other relationship to become important enough to threaten the stability of the main couple. In descriptive primary/secondary, relationships can develop naturally, and some become more of a focus than others.
Promiscuity: Something polyfolk often get accused of. Sex positivity tends to go hand-in-hand with polyamory in many communities, but as the internet meme illustrates, promiscuity is often more talked about than reality.
Synopsis
The first complete guide to pregnancy in polyamorous relationships, Polyamory and Pregnancy covers every step of welcoming a new life into your polycule. Whether you are planning ahead for future children or are on your way to the baby shower, you will find something here to help on your journey:
Unexpected pregnancies
Planning for pregnancy
Important decisions during and after pregnancy
Poly-friendly prenatal care
Birth certificates and paternity
Custody and co-parenting
And more...
About Polyamory
Polyamory can be defined as the practice of having or desire to have more than one sexual/romatic/intimate relationship at one time, in an honest and ethical manner. A person in a polyamorous relationship might be part of a group marriage, a swinger, a single person with several SOs, dating a person in a married couple, in an open marriage or any combination of the above. The central focus of polyamory is that these relationships occur with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Poly folk face some unique challenges in a culture designed for monogamy. Polyamory on Purpose was started first as a blog and now as a book series to discuss some of the daily-life challenges and ways to navigate them.
Jessica Burde is an author, freelance writer and poly activist. She has been in polamorous relationships for nearly 10 years and is a member of the Polyamory Leadership Network and Yahoo PolyResearchers group. Jessica is also the author of the PolyonPurpose blog, which covers topics such as STIs and safe sex, children in polyamory and religious views of polyamory. Much of her freelance writing has been for medical and parenting websites, including advice for new parents, the stages or pregnancy and more.
Jessica has several future books planned for the Polyamory on Purpose Guides series, including Safer Sex for the Non-Monogamous, The Poly Home and Raising Children in Polyamory. She plans to publish one guide a year. Jessica also writes fiction, and has a novel-length erotic fantasy that she hopes to release as a webserial in October 2013.
A mother of 3 children, all born into polyamorous relationships, Jessica currently lives in western Tennessee with her long-term partner and youngest son. She misses the Appalachian mountains and hopes to move east in the next few years.
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